What War’s Good For

The War on Poverty. The War on Hunger. The War on Cancer. The War on Terrorism. The War on Drugs.

We have cheapened and diminished the meaning of war. War means fighting off the Nazis for killing Jews, homosexuals, Poles and Gypsies in an effort to keep Lutheranism alive. War means keeping the Yellow Menace at bay, so our youth won’t suffer the temptations of Buddhism and soy sauce. War means killing Arabs and Muslims so we can keep the world of Jews and Christians safe from the evil forces of Mohammed, the Koran and dishrags used as head dressings.

War means that the loser always ends up winning. No car has been more prized since World War II than the BMW and Mercedes Benz, unless you’re counting Nissans and Toyotas. Jews comprise the largest group of Buddhist converts in the Western World. Rachel Ray ties a keffiyeh around her neck and calls it fashionable. And the religious right has made a mockery of good, solid folk who embraced traditional ways.

The rich won the War on Poverty, cashing in on Medicaid processing. Lawyers get rich when clients are willing to spend five figures qualifying mom for federal funding for her nursing home, just so they can keep their inheritances inviolate. The War on Hunger yielded up record rates of obesity. The War on Cancer spelled riches for the medical industry, and more people than ever have cancer. The War on Terrorism has only turned a peaceable, respected nation into a homeland of government-funded thugs turning on its own kind and reviled by the rest of the world.

Now, back to the War on Drugs. The narcos are going to win. Get used to it.


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2 comments on “What War’s Good For

  1. Steve Cotton says:

    I am waiting for the war on chubbiness and surliness. My side is certainly going to win. Grumpy fat boys know how to fight. It better be a short battle, though. We need our naps.


  2. A silly remark:
    War means fighting off the Nazis for killing Jews, homosexuals, Poles and Gypsies in an effort to keep Lutheranism alive


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