If Microsoft Were Richard Dooling

then its EULA would include:rapture2

MANDATORY ACTIVATION. The license rights granted under this EULA are limited  to the first thirty (30) minutes after you install the book by opening it, unless you supply information required to activate your licensed copy of the book in the manner described on this page. You may also need to reactivate the book if you modify yourself or alter your personality. For instance if you grow older and more mature, develop a mental illness, change your diet, or receive any artificial limbs or joints, pacemakers, implants, or organ transplants, then you may need to reactivate your license before you will be allowed to reaccess the book.

Read on.

And in the event that you’re ignorant, you should know that Richard Dooling is the most famous lawyer turned novelist in all of Omaha.

 

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