Not Getting a Flying F*ck

Kit Naylor’s piece, 15 Years Without Knocking Boots, at has drawn a record number of comments within a short period of time. But what struck me as odd, unsettling and strangely amusing was the chastising tone of those comments, telling her that a single Craig’s List ad could get her laid at least three times, that she could lower her sights, that she could turn cougar, or that there was just something wrong with the life that she’s content to lead.

She wrote the article I’d been meaning to write, giving respectability and a voice to more people than you’d ever imagine. I even had a title for that piece—Not Giving a Fuck. And that would lead to a book titled I’ll Never Get Laid Ever Again. I thought it would do well on the chick lit aisle.

Now, even in the blogosphere and Twitter, there are some things about my life which are just none of your business. So I’ll write about others’ lives, even if they’re not strangers. Within my circle of friends (And since they don’t read this blog, they won’t even know that I’m writing about them.), the topic of not getting any and no longer giving a damn has surfaced more frequently than you’d believe. My friends, well at least the circle that I’m writing about, are professionals, happy, attractive, successful, healthy, active and personable people, the kind who would garner commendable scores on a raft of psychological tests, the kind of people who’re respected by others, even though they lead feline-free lives. So, it’s surprising to many when they confess that they’ve gone without for longer periods of time than some serious felons have done prison time. “What, I didn’t think anyone could beat my record,” one exclaimed when the word got out. They aren’t being celibate for Jesus or global warming or world peace; they’re not even cantankerous Republicans like me. These people are not oddballs, religious, depressed, sexually confused, handicapped, or even weird. They are just leading lives with enough on their plates that getting some just isn’t really a priority.

Polite society’s gotten over the “love that dare not speak its name,” and concepts like sodomy and bestiality are everyday topics of conversation. But whisper “actively celibate,” and you’re apt to get some weird reactions.


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3 comments on “Not Getting a Flying F*ck

  1. Steve Cotton says:

    I was about to trot out Dr. Freud with a little Jungian backup to draw comparisons between this post and your December 8 post, but discretion won out. I will save the one-liners for my trip to Morelia. If you deign to dine, I am picking the cafe.


  2. Felipe Zapata says:

    Even ancient men in tribal societies pick the young fillies. If we can, we do, almost without fail.
    This is one area of human existence in which women get the short end of the stick, and it´s not that stick.
    If I were a female God, I would make it different. Make it right. Make it fairer. But it will never be different. It will never be fair.


  3. Esteban says:

    There is nothing Freudian about anything in this situation. It’s just modern societal mores. I say modern because we are all lasting so much longer plus, add in the effects of modern pharmacology for men, newer cheaper cosmetic surgery for women and you have a recipe for lowered expectations. Your mind at sixty something still feels the pain of what you can’t have. Some things just never change. Or if you do get it, there is always something that screws up the basic desire like “she’s way to Republican” or “he’s too pedestrian for my liking” or “my pedantic ways keep me from the common man” or “she doesn’t give head and like it”. I could name a million modern cliches but sometimes “hooking up” proves all the bullshit books, blogs and other intellectualizing about what feels good completely wrong and out of touch. It all boils down to being vulnerable but smart enough to avoid sharp teeth that draw blood.


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