Babs has her Christmas list, and Felipe has his Christmas wish list. Ben Stein has his perfect Christmas gift. Calypso has his unique gift idea. I got mine this morning.
Barrels of shit. Gallinaza. Mierda. Chicken crap.
A neighbor who raises fighting cocks and borrows (and returns) my ladders always delivers, just in time for Christmas, barrels of his poultry’s best. And we make it last the entire year, carefully doling it among the gardens. It’s the best fertilizer.
In years gone by, I’ve received some great and memorable gifts. Some that were both, some that were memorable for not being great, and I’m sure some that were great but unremembered. A first class plane ticket, pukka and not the non-revenue kind from miles. Plane tickets that weren’t first class. A complete set of Cuisinart professional cookware. A Burberry coat. French luggage. Gucci loafers. Books. Amazon.com gift certificates. A juice extractor. Cashmere sweaters. Anything tied up with great packaging from Gump’s. A Perfex pepper mill. A Dooney & Burke purse. A Ralph Lauren flannel nightgown. Gelt. An oil painting. A NordicTrack treadmill. Satin sheets. Etch A Sketch. A gold ring. Perfume. Two toy pistols in a double holster. A ballet tutu. A black doll I picked out at a fancy doll shop somewhere in Italy. License plates for my car. Ugly clothing I wouldn’t be caught dead in. A dreadful yellow nightgown. The traditional socks and soap. The iPad I bought myself last year.
But somehow nothing compares to the gift my neighbor gives me each year. It’s the right thing for the girl who has everything.
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff? – George Carlin.
(Boku is Turkish for shit.)
Red Shoes are Better than Bacon 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Your writing is succinct and delightful. I realized that 20 years ago when I first read an article that you wrote. Good grief, you just keep getting better………..love this post!
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That’s some good shit, and it’s all mine.
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She’s got a fertile imagination.
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What about “dreck”?
Now I understand why your mesclun lettuces are so “zesty”.
Saludos,
Don Cuevas
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At least it’s organic. Never mind I got a lecture one day from the organic people that since I didn’t know what the chickens had for dinner, it wasn’t authentically organic. Like I could care.
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In Russian the slang word for it is Guvno, so it is apropos that we always called out highest ranking politician in California, We had two Guvno Browns, one is running the state today……
Between the chickens we have and the worms we cultivate from the cows etc, it is exciting to see using natural stuff to keep the food chain going.
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Nothing like getting in touch with your inner shitkicker. And the world needs more rednecks and fewer nattering nabobs of negativism and effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals.
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I’m sure your garden is drop dead gorgeous.
Saludos,
Kim G
Boston, MA
Where we suspect such a gift wouldn’t even be legal. At least producing it wouldn’t be.
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It depends upon the time of year. During the dry months, it costs too much to keep everything watered, so we let parts of it go very natural.
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My garden is sleeping with a bed of winter rye in its off season; nourishment for next spring’s seeds . The deer are keeping it trimmed here in these predawn hours from what I can discern from my office window.
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Bet you were adorable in the tutu.
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Of course I was, but then I was only 5. I was even cuter maybe two years later, wearing a red smocked dress, under which I had red net petticoats on, and the entire outfit topped off with the two cap gun cowgirl holster.
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I second Bab’ comment on your writing. This post was well written, not just dead-on funny.
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Good one Amiga! Merry Christmas and all that jazz.
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my heavens–you do have everything–thanks for the laugh–bill
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And, in Greek, it’s skata! Enjoy!
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Well this connection to you was a belated Christmas gift from Babsblog, where I am a sidelines groupie from El Norte in NorCal. A wannabe expat who will one day make it to living in Mexico somewhere. I love your blog.
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Would that mean “Boku” is turkey shit?
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